Kim and Thurston

If you haven’t already heard, Kim and Thurston have separated. It honestly came a quite a shock. Their relationship is not dinner conversation or a daily concern, but it was also an example of a rock and roll couple that seem to have made it. We get asked in almost every interview something about Lauren and mine’s relationship and how it impacts the music. It isn’t a touchy subject or anything, but it does feel slightly invasive in that it is our business. It obviously impact our relationship in both positive and negative ways, but every marriage has similar challenges, whether it is finances or kids.

Yet even though we like to believe our struggles and triumphs are just par for the course, musicians typically have a pretty bad track record for keeping relationships together. There is always the addition of substances, lots of time away and a really busy schedule that all add to the equation. But that was why Kim and Thurston doing well seemed like a small glimmer of hope. They were doing it just fine and seemed like a relatively normal couple. Amidst the examples of rock couples, I would have said they were making it all work.

Really though, I shouldn’t be surprised. Marriage and music are two tough things to do and doing them together doesn’t make anything easier.

Just because they were a success story or someone we could look at as an example, it doesn’t mean they didn’t have struggles or grew apart throughout the years. There are probably millions of couples out there having similar problems and separating, so why would Kim and Thurston be any different? Of course, that doesn’t make it any less tragic.

I do think Lauren and I have better examples for marriage than some folks in a great band. We both have parents that have good relationships. They’ve struggled and been through difficult times and managed to come away stronger and closer to each other. My Dad even wrote a book on the subject. It is good to know that when things are tough, if you can stick to it and try to change yourself, there can be good times again.

As an aside, if you are married and are ever having trouble, I can recommend my Dad’s book and seminar. I realize that it might not seem applicable if you don’t go to church or aren’t really religious, but the fact is that even if you don’t feel a commitment to some higher power, marriage is about a commitment to one another. His book and seminar really do a good job helping to put terms on fundamental needs in a way that can help in explaining how you might be feeling. This kind of understanding makes a huge difference when you are trying to communicate what hurts and how you can avoid causing each other terrible pain. Being able to talk frankly about how you feel makes a world of difference understanding how to make conscious decisions to help repair a broken marriage.